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Writer's pictureMaren Enkelmann

Like the air we breathe


Breathing exercises are really great. We get conscious of how our chests and tummies fill up with oxygen, how our blood is fuelled with the vital component that keeps us alive. The more we practice breathing, the better we get at speeding up or slowing down our hearts, we can loosen up tension down to our toes and expand into a well of focussed nothingness just by slowing down our mind. Ahhh!


But the truth is, even though it feels nice to take control of our breath and heart rate, slow down our thinking at will, we would all continue breathing in and out without the focus, without the practice and without the fluff. We even do it when we are asleep. There is nothing to it. It's our nature. On the other hand, without breath we would be dead, it's as simple as that, but also just as profound. Interesting that we don't give air a bit more thought. Yet, why would we on an ordinary day, when there are a million other things to talk about and our lungs just do what lungs do? We only ever stop to talk about air when we either struggle breathing in or the air is particularly bad or different, or of course, when we direct our focus on our breathing.


Now, it's the same with our wellbeing. We're in it from the moment we're born. Wellbeing is a shorthand for many things that we humans couldn't live without. Vital things, like our ability to love and connect with others, infants would not survive without it. Or things like our capacity to bounce back from setbacks. None of us would have learnt to walk or talk, if we didn't have it. Or take our capacity to learn, or the ability to have completely original ideas about something that everyone has been doing in a particular way for ever, until someone finds a better way. Without that, there would have been no progress anywhere. There would be no music or fashion, new design, literature or art. Or what about confidence? Have you asked a group of 3 year olds if any of them was any good at dancing, singing or particularly good looking? All of them would shout 'me, me'. They just love themselves with all their hearts and think they can do anything. We all have these human traits, they don't need to be developed. But most often, they need to be dug up from deep down under a massive mountain of thinking. Confidence, is such a great example for that. Did you know that the opposite is never lack of confidence or unconfidence? That does not exist. The opposite of confidence is self consciousness. The moment children start comparing themselves, measuring up, taking stock, value their performance by real-world standards, they lose sight of what is natural and amazing about their ability to do anything their way, to be just right the way they are.


We don't notice these gifts, as they are part of our human set up. And then we even forget they exist. We go out, measuring ourselves against everyone else, and feel unequipped to measure up. We try harder and harder. We work on ourselves, try to change the circumstances we're in, or the people we surround ourselves with, but the more thinking we do, the more feeling we get. The more we try to change that the more thinking we do and the further we move away from our natural wellbeing.


This, in a nutshell, is what's happening with our youth at this moment. They are not weaker or more challenged, just because there are things like social media. But they are bombarded with the wrong information of where to find wellbeing (ie. confidence, love, security, self-worth). It is not in clothes, or make up or in being successful, pretty, popular or rich. It is not in cars, or big houses or trainers, or the right career path. It is not gadgets, not in job titles, not in running, not in being healthy or being thin, not even in breathing exercises or yoga. Their wellbeing is where it was from the day they were born. It has not gone anywhere, it is not broken. It is not damaged. It is not lost. It is not even effected in any way. People are just looking for it in the wrong place.


We don't help our children by managing their social media consumption. We don't help them by breathing down their necks, monitoring every step they do. If I am well and strong in myself I'm not going to look for people on social media starving or cutting themselves. If I feel well and confident, I don't need drugs to get through the day or try to feel better by bullying other people. If I feel resilient and secure I do not need to hide or avoid new challenges or other people just because I didn't do as well as I wanted to last time around. If I feel worthy of love, I don't throw myself at anyone's feet. I just wouldn't. It would not make sense and that's why this is so different to crisis talk. This needs to be part of everyone's education.


Wellbeing is like the air we breathe. We can't see it but we wouldn't exist without it. Our lungs will do what lungs do and our psychological system will do what psychological systems do: churning thoughts into feelings and the system repeats. But the same way it helps to breathe in fresh air rather than re-using the one we've just exhaled, it helps to let our minds come back to their default set up, to use the superpowers we are all equipped with and to let in fresh thinking for new ideas. By the way, this is also the only cure to any bad feeling, because fresh thoughts create fresh feelings. It's as simple as that, but also just as profound.


Before you dismiss, just give it a go! It's surprisingly simple and astonishingly powerful.

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