It is meant to look real

wood for the trees...

 “I know it’s my thinking” is one of the most useful things for me to hear a client say. It is code for “I don’t have a clue what’s going on.” Feelings of stress and dis-ease, anxiousness and general gloom don’t usually come with a story attached. Not one we can extract and heal, dismiss or ignore. If there is just noise in your system, silently brewing for a very long time, growing steadily louder, disrupting in unexpected places and ways, you guessing it must be thinking is good, but not enough. And boy, it can be hazardous.

This is where I find my clients a lot. I hear them say things like:

“I know it’s my thinking but it’s not that straight forward this time”, “it’s different for me”, “it’s impossible to stop the onslaught of thought, I don’t even hear what they say”, “I know I can’t do anything about it. I just have to sit it out” and yet “what do I do with myself”? “Why do I feel so down?” “When does it stop?” “How can I be ok with not being ok?”

It is always the same dilemma, we fight the shadows, not the object that is obstructing the light. By doing this we just get better at managing the symptoms. And we keep the fire going for as long as it takes for us to stop.

“I’ll just go for a walk and then things will calm down” or “I just went for a walk and I’m still not any better. But there is just so much going on...” Today I heard someone telling their followers on Instagram to calm their anxiety by looking with one eye, counting anything that’s red and voilà: Anxiety gone. Hmm, you try for yourself.

Three things I find most helpful to remember:

1 Our psychological system does not do random.

2 Whatever we’re experiencing is meant to look, feel and taste real.

3 There is only one way to have any feeling and that is by thinking it.

How is this helpful?

When I have a feeling of doom coming up, I know one thing for certain: There is something in this moment that I believe I need, in order for me to be ok. This is my immediate flag to do two things. I remind myself that my wellbeing is innate and then I get curious on why I would, in this case, think it is conditional. Hang on a minute, what is going on? What is it that I’ve attached my wellbeing to? Do I not feel appreciated, seen, loved? Am I worried about the future, my loved ones, my health, about losing someone?

This is not about analysing a situation but making my thinking visible to me. We can’t ignore or dismiss something we can’t grasp. We can’t turn our attention away from something we don’t even know we’re secretly feeding. Shining a light on what my mysterious feeling is all about is literally like seeing what the shadow I’m running away from is made of. I know it’s always my thinking, but before it’s visible, it’s real as shit. And I’m in awe of the fact that it is meant to be like that. I know I can’t tell myself to stop thinking or change my thinking. But I can discern useful thinking from rubbish.

Easy to let go of that…

If you want to learn more about navigating your daily ups and downs, let me know. I’m teaching a course of 8 structured modules, to really get a handle on our point of influence in life. This is powerful on any level of understanding. Oftentimes, people who have been around the principles for a while will get the most out of it. Interested? Message me!

Much love, Maren